Shame
by Dark Horse
Summary: I thought I might try writing again for a change.


__

What we learned here is love tastes bitter when it's gone…

Past yourself, forget the light things look dirty when it's on.

Funny how it comes to pass that all the good slips away.

And there's no one around you can remember being good to you.

He walked the length of the pier. The surprisingly cold rain fell almost unnoticed about him. Why was he here? Had he gotten lost somewhere along the way? Obviously he had. But now he stood. He stood in the light. And it was ugly. What he saw was ugly. He had been driven, and by what? He didn't even know.

But perhaps this was all there was now. He had left after all. It was doubtful that he would ever be able to return. He smirked. The smile that crossed his lips pierced his soul. It was the warmth, the warmth caused by memory. And that was all that was left for him now... Memories. 

He strode a little farther down the pier. He had his pole in his hand, and he fully intended to fish, regardless of the weather. It was one of the few things he'd been able to find the solace in. Friends? He didn't have any, and did he even need any? No. Seifer Almasy was self-sufficient. He had no need for friendship, or was he just hell-bent on rejecting it?

He thought perhaps he'd loved more than once in his life, but all it ever brought about for him was shame. Besides, who stood by him? No one did. It was as if, as hard as he tried, he was ignored. Beaten out of his roles by the teacher's pets. Love was just evidently not to ever be his. Neither, love nor friendship seemed within his grasp, and it wasn't fair.

__

Shame shouldn't try you couldn't step by you, and opened up more shame....

He leaned up against the rail and baited his line; then he cast it in the water. The rain was now falling harder than ever. Seifer, however, was well aware of the concept that "when it rains it pours". Why couldn't life just leave him alone? He seemed so close, so close to his romantic dream, but then it fell down. He awoke to the realization that all he'd done was open the door to shame.

Those who he thought would never leave his side were gone. Fuu, Rai, how could they have turned on him? Right when he needed them the most. He laughed, how ironic it was that his hatred for Leonhart had ebbed. He never thought he'd be over it, and yet now he was. He'd actually had enough, but it was too late now. Not only would he not be a Sorceress' Knight, how would never be a SeeD. He'd never be allowed back in Garden again for that matter.

He got a bite on his line. His bobber shot under the water. It was a big one. He could have probably gotten it easily, but he wanted the fight. So he let it run for a bit. He had all the time in the world.

Then that one memory, the one that brought him to his knees more than anything else, hit him. Not too unlike the bite of that fish did to that bobber, this memory took him under.

And he knew he'd have to fight with it just as hard.

It was the one thing that he was never ready for. It was the thought of her. He hated to admit it, but he couldn't avoid it. He'd lost her for his romantic dream. It seemed like yesterday they had gone to the back of the training center. She always tried to convince him to just do whatever it took to become a SeeD. 

He, however, was too proud. He had to do things his way. He just couldn't let go. Eventually, even Quistis' ability to wait ran out. She grew tired of it. Tired of waiting for the pupil to become a man. It's not a surprise her gaze had shifted to Squall. She grew exhausted with him. She had reached the end of her rope, and their chances came to an end, and his chances with Garden ended soon after.

His attention returned to the fish again. He fought with it. Closer, closer, it came to the shore. Finally, he reeled it up the side of the pier. It was a big one. He admired it. It was quite a nice catch. Then he took it off the hook, and threw him back.

He'd live to fight with Seifer another day and another day, just like that memory which he sealed off again, for the time being.

__

What we learned here is something better left alone.

Second steps have been forgotten can you tell me how they go.

Set yourself situate, like a fool try again.

There's no one around you can remember being good for you.…

Quistis was running along the shoreline. True it was raining, heavily at that, but she barely felt it. She needed to get out. Needed to clear her head. It was times like this when she forgot how she even got here.

What did she want from life anyway? She found it better to just run, and at times to run away... away from it all. She just wished she could remember. She longed to understand the reasons why she was here, and where she wanted to go next.

The storm was increasing in intensity now. Lightning was beginning to strike regularly. She decided to push herself a bit. There was a small shelter near the pier. She decided to try to make it there before it all broke loose. 

Quistis ran harder. It wasn't the rain; she did it every day. In her mind it helped her to leave her problems behind. In a way, it was the reason she looked so good right now. She was in the best health of her life. At least on the outside, But inside she was in shambles. And she couldn't figure out why. 

Somewhere along the run this time, however, it hit her. She was alone. No one really needed her anymore. It was all Squall this and Rinoa that. And then who could forget the prominent ladies man, Irvine. Even Zell had come into his own, and Selphie never had any trouble making friends.

Friendship was a concept that she had never grasped. She wondered if she ever would.

__

Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you and open up more shame.

Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you _and open up more shame_.

She ran harder now. The gazebo that was her destination was now well in sight. She'd be there shortly. She turned on even more speed, her athletic body was being taken to its limit. It had been a while since she'd pushed herself this hard. It felt good for a change.

Here she was, running away again. At least this time it was from a storm. Usually it was from life; a life that never treated her fairly. Why did she have to be tried like this? It didn't make sense. All she ever wanted was to be happy, and to feel needed. Right now she had neither. It seemed like life never missed a chance to kick he squarely in the rear. Then again she always left the opportunity open.

The gazebo to which she was running was now only about one hundred yards or so out. She sprinted hard, all thoughts leaving her head for a second. She covered the distance quickly. It had to have been the hardest she'd ever run. Finally she got there; she made it inside and collapsed.

A few minutes later she gained the strength back to get up. She stood to her feet while brushing her wet hair out of her face. She was very uncomfortable, but she didn't even notice. Her mind was already working again, and the thought that entertained her now was even more sobering than before... She hadn't always been alone.

No she had loved once. She had had a best friend; his name was Seifer Almasy. She had once found him so wonderful. She'd seen in him what no one else did. She knew that there was so much more to him, but even in love, she had turned her back.

She couldn't wait. She couldn't give him time. She pushed him too hard, and in so doing, she pushed herself deathly near the edge, and finally over it. She began ignoring him, and eventually even looking down on him, and treating him unfairly. 

She knew he hated her, and he had every right to. She had rejected him after all, but what was worse was the Ultimatia incident wasn't enough to satisfy her. She had to go a step farther and cast the deciding vote in expelling him from Garden for good. Now she ached for it. 

Shame. Ah, how well she knew it. She sat down on the bench, too tired to think, too tired to hurt, too tired to feel anything at all. 

__

We never thought we'd get so troubled... 

We could never think that much... 

It should never get this bad...

The storm was getting really bad now. Even Seifer needed to get out of it. He may have been hurt, but he wasn't suicidal. He decided to find some cover. He gathered his things, and began to walk quickly down the pier.

Near the end he saw the gazebo, it was the closest shelter, and not too far away. He walked quickly and arrived within a few minutes. He walked under its archway and set down his things, but his eyes were elsewhere. They had fallen on the blond who now sat crying with her head in her hands.

__

So let the wind blow you...

Across a big floor...

But there's no one around who can tell us what we're here for...

He wondered why she was the one crying. She had a life, but there was such a desire in his heart to take his place by her, and put his arms around her. Then again, he wondered why he even thought such things.

__

Funny in a certain light how we all look the same...

And there's no one in life you can remember ever stood for you...

He walked towards her quietly in spite of himself. There was a part of him that still owed her for even giving him a chance. He could vaguely remember the last time someone had done that. He still had feelings for her, and he knew it, but who was he fooling? 

He was staring at the floor when he heard it.

"Seifer?"


End file.
